No One Said it Would Be Easy

This week was Spiritual Renewal at Taylor, and Rodney VanSolkema preached through the story of Joseph and his brothers.  I learned a lot about conquering pride and temptation.

As you might know (if you have kept up with my blogging), I struggle a great deal with pride.  I was so thrilled to hear new ways to conquer my pride.  His example came from Genesis 37, where Joseph is proud of his coat and dreams.  Rodney shared that Joseph could not overcome pride without being in the pit.  Joseph could not have overcome his pride unless he had been thrown into a pit and sold into slavery.  This is too true.  It is easy for me when I undergo stressful situations or what I feel to be hopeless situations to feel like I don't deserve it.  What an example of my pride! I don't deserve the pit? Yeah right!  God has given me pits, so that I can find humility.  I need to recognize that I deserve the pit and nothing else!

As for temptation, Rodney gave the example in Genesis 39 of Joseph running from Potiphar's wife.  She threw herself at him day after day, yet he still refused her.  It was not easy, but he had to say no.  He knew what was right, and he chose to follow Christ over his own desires.  Psalm 119 talks about loving the Lord's commands, rather than just grudgingly following them.  I want to choose to say no to temptation, no matter how difficult it is.  I want to love the Lord's commands and long to follow them always.  Temptation, bring it on!  God's on my side, and he can transform me.

God, only through you can I overcome my pride.
Only you can help me flee from temptation.
Give me confidence and security in you.
Help me to fall in love with your commands.

Life is Bigger than Me

Yesterday, I came to a realization that was not in any way new, but it struck me as something I don't think about much.  My life and how I live is completely to please myself.  I know what I want, and I live for what I want- what's comfortable, cute, and fun.  Sure, that's all great for a little while, but living like that just leaves me feeling empty.  It leaves me wanting something more and constantly striving to make myself a more likable person and to satisfy my wants.

But when I can get my mind off of myself and my wants, I realize that there is something so much bigger going on here.  I live in a world created by God, and without him, I would be dead.  When I think about it, my wants really do not make me alive.  Christ and living for him is what makes me alive; in fact, it is what I was created for.  So if I'm just sitting around, looking to fulfill myself by things other than Christ, I am completely shutting out God's purpose for me, and I will never find satisfaction.  It is only through living my life for God that I can feel fully satisfied and fulfilled.

In BASSYCS last night, we recited Mark 16:15, "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'"  This is what we were created for- to bring glory to God and share our faith with others.  My group talked about how this might not necessarily always mean going up to friends or strangers and asking, "Do you know Jesus?"  We can be a witness to others in the way that we act, we can pray for others, and we can love others the way that Jesus loves us.

Am I doing that?  Is my goal to live like Jesus did and bring him glory?  When I look at how my life is right now, I will honestly say no.  I've become so caught up with making my life perfect and doing the things that I want that I lose sight of why I'm really here on this earth.

The time is now to turn my focus to my creator.  The time is now to live for God and not myself.  The time is now to satisfy myself in prayer and worship with Jesus.

Praise God for loving us no matter what.  Praise God for using us in his great mission.  Praise God for changing our hearts.


Make me a living sacrifice for you, Lord.

Friends

Friends.  They are the people that mold us and shape us.  They encourage us and spur us on.  They listen and advise.  They love us no matter what.


Tonight was just a wonderful reminder of how blessed I have been to have been given the friends that I have.  I got the chance to sit down and talk with my best girl friends at college.  We shared our testimonies of what God has done in our lives up until now.  We ended in a Spirit-filled prayer that fueled us for the upcoming week and all that God will use us for.  What a magnificent way to praise God.  I left feeling so refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the world (with God's help of course)!

There was one thing that really struck me most about our time.  I realized a recurring theme throughout all of our testimonies.  Friends played one of the biggest roles in being far from God or near to him.  I thought about how blessed I have been to have good friends and how lonely I have felt when I haven't had good friends.  It made me think, what difference could I make by being a friend to the friendless?  Rather, what could God do through me if I let him?  What if I let him use me to be a refreshment and encouragement to others?

I need to overcome my pride and become a servant to others.  My concern needs to shift from the comfort of myself to the needs of others.  If I am willing to do this, I am confident that I will see much more clearly the kingdom of God constantly at work.

Thank you God for the friends that you have blessed me with at college and at home.  Thank you for how they have spurred me on toward your kingdom.  Help me to put away my pride, take on humility, and become a servant and friend to everyone that I come into contact with.

"Heavenly Father, You always amaze me.  Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life.  Give me the food I need to live through today, and forgive me as I forgive the people who wrong me.  Lead me far from temptation.  Deliver me from the evil one." - Your Love is Strong

Refocus

It does not take much to get distracted from the things that are most important in life.  Something traumatic might happen.  A few annoyances might pile up.  Or you might just get caught up in your own daily routine.

It is not difficult to pinpoint when you have lost the main focus of your life, or deviated from the purpose you are working toward.  It is difficult to figure out how to change.

As I sit back and look at my life, I feel like I know who I want to be.  I want to be a pretty, stylish sort of girl.  I want to be interesting and intriguing.  I want to be encouraging and loving.  I want to be creative and crafty.  I want to be a people person.  I want to be slightly athletic.  I want to be a thoughtful learner and reader.  But above all else, I want to be a woman defined by Christ.

Would you just look at that description of who I want be?  Maybe its becoming more obvious why I am getting so distracted.  I just create this image of who I want to be, and how I want to change, so much that I choose not to focus on where God wants me and where I need to change most.

I want to be a woman of God.  I want to be amazed and encouraged by the his word.  I want to be so focused on prayer that God is always on my mind.  I want to be so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit that I am fully convicted of sin and compelled to say no to it.  I want to be full of joy in the Lord and joy in myself so that I can focus my energy on loving and encouraging others.

Let's be real.  It's pretty hard to know where to start.  I mean, when I've fallen so behind.  How can I fully refocus and find my fulfillment in the King of Kings?  Do I start by focusing on prayer or spending time in the word?  Do I try to shift my focus to others or do I change my attitude to one of joy in the Lord?  I feel like I need to pick on place to start, but I just don't know where.  What I do know is that I will get no where by bantering about where to start!  So I'm just going to have to pick something!

Starting now, I am going to begin refocusing on prayer.  Prayer that God would motivate me.  Prayer that God would change my heart to be more concerned with him than anyone else.  Prayer that God would fill me and satisfy me more than anything in the world.  Prayer that my faith would be real and genuine.

God, seriously change me.

Keep me in prayer and remind me of you every hour.

Refocus me and satisfy me.

You are a good, good God.

Living by the Gospel

A couple weeks ago during spiritual renewal week, the speaker reminded me of the importance of living by the gospel.  No, not in the sense of “oh, let’s all just love each other!” or “I’m seriously going to just read my Bible every day!”  Yes, those things are important and good, but I was convicted to truly live by the gospel.  I wanted to live in the truth that I am a sinner, God sent his son Jesus to die for me, he conquered death and rose from the dead, if I repent he will forgive me.

Now, some would view this message as only what brings one to a saving knowledge.  They must believe those things in order to become a Christian, and they can leave it at that—but that is the core of who we are as Christians, we can’t just let it go after that.  I want to daily be aware that I am sinner and that I need Christ.

All of this to say, I decided that the next book I should read for devotions would be the gospel of Mark.  Reading through the story of Jesus will be a great reminder of who I am, a sinful being, and an even greater reminder of who Christ is-- my Savior, my God, my everything.

The beginning of Mark talks about John the Baptist and his ministry for Christ.  Something that stuck out to me was the recurring theme of confessing sins and repenting of sins.  How many times had I read over those verses or similar verses and just ignored the often recurring “confess your sins” message?  But guess what?  Confessing your sins is one of the biggest core principles of the gospel.

This paralleled perfectly with what God taught me yesterday.  He taught me that I am a prideful girl, seeking to constantly better my image, and that I need his help to be free from this sin.  Today, through this passage, he reminded me that I need to confess my sins!  This in itself is a step of humility, and it is what God calls us to do daily.  So why don’t I do it?  I find that I’m so focused on myself and what I’m doing, that I don’t take the time to recognize my sin, confess it, and change from it.  Not only is this a huge reminder of my pride issue, but it is a reminder of how much it is getting in the way of my walk with God.  My pride has become such a problem, that I don’t find the need to confess my sins and ask for his help to change.  If this is my mindset, I will never get anywhere!

So, my mindset has changed.  I am now praying for not only an awareness of my sins, but a conviction for them.  I am praying that I will not be blinded by my pride; rather, my eyes will be opened in humility.

My first step in daily living by the gospel is confessing my sins.  My first step is a daily prayer for conviction and the help to get rid of my pride.

God, change my heart.

Rid me of my pride.

Fill me with the gospel.

Laying Down My Pride

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. " Philippians 2:1-7

He made himself nothing.  The God of the universe came to earth and made himself nothing- taking the very nature of a servant.

As I said in my last post, I have been twice as involved at Taylor this year in comparison to last year.  Taking on more responsibility, has been something I've really wanted to do this year.  I love being able to get involved and enjoy experiences and time with people.  But I must admit, I have also loved the image of being thoroughly involved.  For some reason, I feel like I need to impress others by all of the things I am involved in.  For some reason, I feel like taking on more responsibility makes me somehow "above" other people.

This is only one of the ways that I find myself thinking that I am "above" others.  I've save you the details of my pride issues, as they will honestly be very embarrassing to me.

Over this wing retreat, God opened my eyes once again to this huge problem of pride that I have.  He showed me that my assumptions about people are completely wrong.  He showed me that my attitude in my leadership positions is completely wrong.  My opportunities to serve aren't being used to serve others, rather, I'm using those things to serve myself.  How disgusting is that.

Through Christ, I am laying down my pride.
I am taking up humility and a servant's heart,
and I am following the example of Jesus Christ.

Open my eyes.
Convict me.
Change me.
Use me.

God is good.

Here am I, all of me

Wow, it's been a while since I blogged...I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah.  You get the picture...everyone gets busy.

Speaking of busy, I've been really busy.  And you know what that means? stress. I must say, I am one known not to handle stress very well.  The things I'm stressed about constantly weigh on me, and even cause my muscles to tense up.  These are only a few reasons why stress is as huge problem.

This year is a much different year than last.  Many things have changed, and that makes it very easy for me to be stressed.  I let academics stress me out, time stress me out, people stress me out, commitments stress me out--honestly, you name it and it stresses me out.  These things are many times overbearing, overwhelming, challenging, and inconsistent.  Stress causes me to be easily frustrated and focused on myself.  It's just bad.

Today, God has been teaching me.  He has been showing me that He is my consistency and peace.  He is always forgiving, always loving, always teaching, always comforting, always uplifting.  always.  No matter what I do, no matter what changes, He is always there. 

With this knowledge as my foundation, nothing can get to me.  God will strengthen me and uphold me. He gives me a constant joy and peace, in His word and in getting to know Him more.  Seriously, He is so good.  And although I know I'll never be perfect, and I know that I will mess up along my walk with Him--He's there.

So freely, I give myself to Him- my attitude, my stress, my confusion, my worries, my frustrations.  He can take them all.  I am here to serve, love, and grow closer to Him.  I can make that my focus no matter what is going on around me.

Here am I, all of me.

Take my life, its all for Thee.