This morning was a different morning. I woke up with Christ on my mind. I was praying in the shower! Let me tell you, it gave quite a different start to my day.
When I got to chapel we sang a song that I'd never heard called Where I belong. There was one line that just really got me (after about the 20th time we sang it). "I finally found where I belong, in your presence."
Man, I've had so much emotional turmoil that I've brought upon myself. I've had so many times of discomfort, doubt, loneliness, confusion, longing, depression, and brokenness. But I was standing there and it hit me! I had finally found where I belong. I belong in Christ's presence. I belong to Him and I want him to delight in me.
As long as I dwell in His presence, I am safe. Things will still get rough, but I will make my decisions knowing that I am in Christ's presence. I am going to delight in His law and His glory, and He will delight in me.
Wow. This is what matters in life.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Define me, Lord
You know...I think I'm in charge of my life. I think that I can do what I want and I can fix my own problems. I think that I can become my own person and treat people how I want. I think that I can read my Bible when I want and I can think about whatever I want to. And to some extent I can...
I can choose what I want to do, who I want to follow, what I want to think, etc. But who do I reflect in all of this? Me.
I treat God like He's an option alongside a bunch of other options. If I feel like loving others, than I will. If I feel like reading my Bible, I will. If I want to devote my time to God, I will. You know what happens? A lot of times, I do not feel like doing these things.
Change me, God. May I find my identity in You and be a living sacrifice for you.
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." Romans 12:1
I can choose what I want to do, who I want to follow, what I want to think, etc. But who do I reflect in all of this? Me.
I treat God like He's an option alongside a bunch of other options. If I feel like loving others, than I will. If I feel like reading my Bible, I will. If I want to devote my time to God, I will. You know what happens? A lot of times, I do not feel like doing these things.
Change me, God. May I find my identity in You and be a living sacrifice for you.
"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." Romans 12:1
Monday, March 28, 2011
Problem is an Understatement
There are so many issues in this world.
tsunami
9-11
murder
abuse
suicide
The list goes on and on and on....
I'd like to take a look at the things that I spend the majority of my day thinking about
my schedule
my homework
my meals
my fatigue
my loneliness
my lack of a boyfriend
my pride
my discomfort
my friends
my sarcasm
Now let's play that Greater than, Less than game that we all learned in elementary school.
List #1 > List #2
Welp, that wasn't all that difficult. Yet, for me it's tough.
I can spend a good couple days seeking God fully, because during those days I am quite comfortable. But then, if any of List #2 begins to be a problem, than my attention is on it. I mean, yes. It is important to grow through and face my problems, but for me to feel bad for myself for even one second just seems wrong. Honestly, I think that what I am going through is bad? Other people are facing things so much worse as I'm sitting there feeling upset because I don't have a boyfriend? That's just wrong.
My problem is that I have to sit here and whine about my problems. I need to learn to trust God, lean on Him, and help, love, and pray for others.
God, change me.
Help others who are far worse off than I am.
tsunami
9-11
murder
abuse
suicide
The list goes on and on and on....
I'd like to take a look at the things that I spend the majority of my day thinking about
my schedule
my homework
my meals
my fatigue
my loneliness
my lack of a boyfriend
my pride
my discomfort
my friends
my sarcasm
Now let's play that Greater than, Less than game that we all learned in elementary school.
List #1 > List #2
Welp, that wasn't all that difficult. Yet, for me it's tough.
I can spend a good couple days seeking God fully, because during those days I am quite comfortable. But then, if any of List #2 begins to be a problem, than my attention is on it. I mean, yes. It is important to grow through and face my problems, but for me to feel bad for myself for even one second just seems wrong. Honestly, I think that what I am going through is bad? Other people are facing things so much worse as I'm sitting there feeling upset because I don't have a boyfriend? That's just wrong.
My problem is that I have to sit here and whine about my problems. I need to learn to trust God, lean on Him, and help, love, and pray for others.
God, change me.
Help others who are far worse off than I am.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Bible Reading Don't Make Ya Spiritual!
One thing that I have always struggled with is Bible reading, even more so over breaks. I just never choose to make time for it. I have an abundance of excuses, and honestly a lot of the time I feel like I don't need to do it. I remember just a couple weeks ago telling my BASSYCS girls that Bible readings is not something that we have to do to be a Christian, but it is something that we should want to do because we want to know our Savior more.
Since I have found a reading plan, I have been able to be in the Word daily! It's been insane, I mean I've read the Bible every day since the first day of my 21 day fast! That's a long time, for me. Even over break, I have continued to be plugged in to the Word. I have also been writing in my prayer journal every day, which has really helped me to keep in prayer for others and really reflect on my life.
Although I have been in the Word a lot, I've been lagging. No, I wouldn't say that I'm drifting or anything, my day is just not focused on God like I want it to be. When I'm reading my Bible, I focus on God and do what I can to be open to what He wants to reveal to me. I do enjoy reading and I like to journal to God too, but once its over....my day just goes on like normal.
It's like my devotional time is the time that I think about and focus on Christ, but then when it's over, I'm in charge of my life. The things that I am learning or the things that I pray for myself, just stop there. I don't do anything about them. I don't really pray throughout the day, I just do the things I want when I want.
My point being: Bible reading does not just make me constantly in touch with God. Yes, I would say that it is so important, but it is not what makes my faith. I need to center my life around God, not just my devotions.
So where do I go from here? Well, I'd say that this is something I need to put some real effort toward. Yes, it is important that I pray that God would guide me and help me to center my life around Him, but I need to also keep in constant prayer. Keeping in prayer throughout the day can help me to keep God in mind. Another thing I am starting today is remembering a phrase from my devos that I can think about during the day, that will remind me of Christ.
Although these things seem surfacy, they will help for my focus to be where it should.
Since I have found a reading plan, I have been able to be in the Word daily! It's been insane, I mean I've read the Bible every day since the first day of my 21 day fast! That's a long time, for me. Even over break, I have continued to be plugged in to the Word. I have also been writing in my prayer journal every day, which has really helped me to keep in prayer for others and really reflect on my life.
Although I have been in the Word a lot, I've been lagging. No, I wouldn't say that I'm drifting or anything, my day is just not focused on God like I want it to be. When I'm reading my Bible, I focus on God and do what I can to be open to what He wants to reveal to me. I do enjoy reading and I like to journal to God too, but once its over....my day just goes on like normal.
It's like my devotional time is the time that I think about and focus on Christ, but then when it's over, I'm in charge of my life. The things that I am learning or the things that I pray for myself, just stop there. I don't do anything about them. I don't really pray throughout the day, I just do the things I want when I want.
My point being: Bible reading does not just make me constantly in touch with God. Yes, I would say that it is so important, but it is not what makes my faith. I need to center my life around God, not just my devotions.
So where do I go from here? Well, I'd say that this is something I need to put some real effort toward. Yes, it is important that I pray that God would guide me and help me to center my life around Him, but I need to also keep in constant prayer. Keeping in prayer throughout the day can help me to keep God in mind. Another thing I am starting today is remembering a phrase from my devos that I can think about during the day, that will remind me of Christ.
Although these things seem surfacy, they will help for my focus to be where it should.
Monday, March 21, 2011
A little more on Judas
Finally, break!
I must admit that it has been quite difficult to stay on top of blogging, both because I am very busy and it is hard to get alone. I also must say that I owe part of my lack of blogging to my quickly obtained obsession with the show Lie to Me, which I have now almost finished.
So, yesterday in church we were looking at Matthew 26, which is back where Judas betrays Jesus. Of course, because earlier this year I took a new prospective on this story, I was engaged as soon as we began looking into it. But this time I realized something that I had not before: Judas was one of the 12.
Okay, I know what you're thinking. Duh, Whitney. Everyone knows that. I mean for heaven's sake, they were all sitting around the table when Jesus told them that one of his disciples would betray him. Okay, cut me some slack. But really! Jesus' 12 disciples were his followers and his best friends. They were always with him. As we read through the passage where Judas greets Jesus with a kiss in order to betray him, I realize that this could not have been an easy moment for Jesus. His best friend walks up to him and kisses him, when "secretly" he has gone behind Jesus' back and sold him...in order to kill him! Oh my.
As I thought about this, and I thought about the hurt that this must be causing Jesus (along with everything else), I attempted to put myself in His situation. I imagined how I would feel if my best friend betrayed me, and right in front of my face at that! I would not be angry, honestly I would just be so incredibly hurt. I mean, it would have been one thing if some random guy named Judas came up and betrayed him. That still would have been terrible, but I think that would have just brought anger. Judas Iscariot, being Jesus' best friend, betrays him and it brings so much hurt.
As my previous blog talked about, we, as followers of Christ, strongly identify with Judas. But now it shows even more how we hurt Jesus. As His followers, we are Christ's best friends. He loves us more than anything, and especially because we believe in Him and try to model our lives after Him, He is hurt beyond belief when we sin against Him.
Because we often just view Jesus as some invisible person that we can just ask for things and hope they come true, it is difficult to see that we can hurt Him. But I sincerely believe that our sin hurts our best friend, Jesus, more than anything.
I must admit that it has been quite difficult to stay on top of blogging, both because I am very busy and it is hard to get alone. I also must say that I owe part of my lack of blogging to my quickly obtained obsession with the show Lie to Me, which I have now almost finished.
So, yesterday in church we were looking at Matthew 26, which is back where Judas betrays Jesus. Of course, because earlier this year I took a new prospective on this story, I was engaged as soon as we began looking into it. But this time I realized something that I had not before: Judas was one of the 12.
Okay, I know what you're thinking. Duh, Whitney. Everyone knows that. I mean for heaven's sake, they were all sitting around the table when Jesus told them that one of his disciples would betray him. Okay, cut me some slack. But really! Jesus' 12 disciples were his followers and his best friends. They were always with him. As we read through the passage where Judas greets Jesus with a kiss in order to betray him, I realize that this could not have been an easy moment for Jesus. His best friend walks up to him and kisses him, when "secretly" he has gone behind Jesus' back and sold him...in order to kill him! Oh my.
As I thought about this, and I thought about the hurt that this must be causing Jesus (along with everything else), I attempted to put myself in His situation. I imagined how I would feel if my best friend betrayed me, and right in front of my face at that! I would not be angry, honestly I would just be so incredibly hurt. I mean, it would have been one thing if some random guy named Judas came up and betrayed him. That still would have been terrible, but I think that would have just brought anger. Judas Iscariot, being Jesus' best friend, betrays him and it brings so much hurt.
As my previous blog talked about, we, as followers of Christ, strongly identify with Judas. But now it shows even more how we hurt Jesus. As His followers, we are Christ's best friends. He loves us more than anything, and especially because we believe in Him and try to model our lives after Him, He is hurt beyond belief when we sin against Him.
Because we often just view Jesus as some invisible person that we can just ask for things and hope they come true, it is difficult to see that we can hurt Him. But I sincerely believe that our sin hurts our best friend, Jesus, more than anything.
Friday, March 11, 2011
From Death to Life
Tessa, you are such a role model to me.
I barely knew you but as soon as I learned what had happened I knew that you were with Christ. As I read through the posts that people had written on your facebook wall, it was so encouraging to see the impact that you had on other's lives.
You have encouraged me to try to have that awesome impact on others that you had.
Love,
Your sister in Christ
I barely knew you but as soon as I learned what had happened I knew that you were with Christ. As I read through the posts that people had written on your facebook wall, it was so encouraging to see the impact that you had on other's lives.
You have encouraged me to try to have that awesome impact on others that you had.
Love,
Your sister in Christ
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
He Provides
Today, I was discouraged. Real discouraged.
I felt like I couldn't do it. I couldn't make progress. I've tried so many things, I feel like I've honestly given everything to trust God with this issue that I have, but no matter what I always end up in the same place.
I don't really have time to elaborate right now. But let praise go where praise is due. God provides. Today
He provided me with the friends that I need, the encouraging words I needed, and the love that He has always had for me.
Oh praise Him.
I felt like I couldn't do it. I couldn't make progress. I've tried so many things, I feel like I've honestly given everything to trust God with this issue that I have, but no matter what I always end up in the same place.
I don't really have time to elaborate right now. But let praise go where praise is due. God provides. Today
He provided me with the friends that I need, the encouraging words I needed, and the love that He has always had for me.
Oh praise Him.
Monday, March 7, 2011
He Takes Me Back
"Yet even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning" -Joel 2:12
This is the first verse that I read for today's Bible reading and it touched my heart. I stumble and fall every single day. Many days I deal with thoughts of loneliness and a bad attitude toward people. Many times I try to find my satisfaction in places other than God. Many times I choose to do something that I know God would not have me do. Many times I sin intentionally. Why should God love me? He at least loves me less right?
No.
Not only does God allow me to come back into his presence, but he is calling me to return to him? He wants me back? This just leaves me speechless.
One of my main intentions on beginning this time of fasting was to "return to God" in the way that this verse calls me to. But, as I've taken part in this fast, I've still found myself stumbling around. I still have trouble with giving into temptations and doing things that God would not want me to do. Here, at the end of this fast, I'm brought to this verse and God calls me to return to Him with fasting, weeping, and mourning. God still wants me. Even if my fast wasn't completely perfect, even if my walk still struggles sometimes, even if I have lonely days, He wants me.
Now that, is a great God.
Praise His Holy Name.
This is the first verse that I read for today's Bible reading and it touched my heart. I stumble and fall every single day. Many days I deal with thoughts of loneliness and a bad attitude toward people. Many times I try to find my satisfaction in places other than God. Many times I choose to do something that I know God would not have me do. Many times I sin intentionally. Why should God love me? He at least loves me less right?
No.
Not only does God allow me to come back into his presence, but he is calling me to return to him? He wants me back? This just leaves me speechless.
One of my main intentions on beginning this time of fasting was to "return to God" in the way that this verse calls me to. But, as I've taken part in this fast, I've still found myself stumbling around. I still have trouble with giving into temptations and doing things that God would not want me to do. Here, at the end of this fast, I'm brought to this verse and God calls me to return to Him with fasting, weeping, and mourning. God still wants me. Even if my fast wasn't completely perfect, even if my walk still struggles sometimes, even if I have lonely days, He wants me.
Now that, is a great God.
Praise His Holy Name.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
He Lives Inside of Me
Well, these past few days I've just been spiritually fatigued. I've continued to read my Bible and pray, but I've just felt so uninspired. Normally, these are the times that I just turn to my own strength. I change my mind about seeking after God fully, and I begin to do the things that I want instead of what He wants for me. This usually creates a problem. This makes my roller coaster ride. I'm up on this spiritual high, and then as soon as I get spiritually fatigued I just fall away. I go back to my comfort zone of sin.
So how do I remain in Christ during these times? I mean, Satan especially goes after me when I am spiritually tired. I often just feel helpless against him because I am tired. But guess what! Christ lives within me. I am a temple for the Holy Spirit. I clearly cannot stand against Satan on my own, and even when I am tired, He is with me. I'm not in this battle alone. Not only is Christ with me, but His Holy Spirit is in me. I was just really encouraged by that.
Today, I feel like breaking down, and giving into my temptations. I feel like clinging to that place where I feel comfortable in myself. But, I'm not going to. I'm going to trust God and cling to Him with all that I am. I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will guide me and protect me from Satan.
Comfort me.
Strengthen me.
Guide me.
Protect me.
Spur me on, Jesus.
So how do I remain in Christ during these times? I mean, Satan especially goes after me when I am spiritually tired. I often just feel helpless against him because I am tired. But guess what! Christ lives within me. I am a temple for the Holy Spirit. I clearly cannot stand against Satan on my own, and even when I am tired, He is with me. I'm not in this battle alone. Not only is Christ with me, but His Holy Spirit is in me. I was just really encouraged by that.
Today, I feel like breaking down, and giving into my temptations. I feel like clinging to that place where I feel comfortable in myself. But, I'm not going to. I'm going to trust God and cling to Him with all that I am. I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will guide me and protect me from Satan.
Comfort me.
Strengthen me.
Guide me.
Protect me.
Spur me on, Jesus.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Confirmation?
Here I am again, just thought it was cool that I read this in my Bible reading today.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Love others? Yes.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Love others? Yes.
To Love Others
As I've approached the middle of my fast, I've realized something. I found it odd that we talked about love in chapel again. Last Wednesday I learned about being a witness to others by loving them. Then, on Saturday I learned about loving non-Christians as humans made in God's image. Then, in chapel yesterday we read through a little bit of the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:38-48). This not only talked about how we are called to "turn the other cheek," but also the section about loving our enemies. love love love.
Throughout my life, I have had difficulty with love. Yes, I love my family. But sometimes I even struggle to love my close friends. This is because of a huge pride problem that I have. I seek to be superior to others many times, and I hate to feel in any way inferior to others. This is so wrong. Its a subconscious thing that I really need to work on. What could be a better way to work on this than by focusing on loving others rather than myself?? I mean at the rate I'm going with all of this pride nonsense, I'm not sure if people would even know I was a Christian by my actions toward them. This certainly needs to change.
So as I was sitting in chapel yesterday, it hit me! Could this be "where God wants me"? Could this be "my next step"? (21 Days)
A while ago, Nancy Gruendyke came and spoke to the girls of third center about being single. She talked about this time as a time of opportunity. When I first heard her say that I honestly think that I laughed out loud. For me, it was difficult to see really anything good about being single. But she was right! As I am spending time without a boyfriend or husband, I can invest in others! I can spend my time serving my close friends, my BASSYCS girls, really anyone!
Since I know that God wants me to be single right now, could this be the specific focus that God wants me to have? To spend my time, my prayer, my energy, loving others? I really think that this is what He is calling me to do.
As I begin my second half of my fast, I am praying that God would make clear to me specifically who he wants me to focus my love on, if there is someone. I am praying that He would make my heart genuine and give me a longing to glorify Him by the way that I can love others.
Don't get me wrong, I believe that in many instances it will be difficult for me to love others, but I'm ready! I'm ready to do what God is calling me to do, and I'm ready to give everything that I can to it!
Lord, may your will be done.
Throughout my life, I have had difficulty with love. Yes, I love my family. But sometimes I even struggle to love my close friends. This is because of a huge pride problem that I have. I seek to be superior to others many times, and I hate to feel in any way inferior to others. This is so wrong. Its a subconscious thing that I really need to work on. What could be a better way to work on this than by focusing on loving others rather than myself?? I mean at the rate I'm going with all of this pride nonsense, I'm not sure if people would even know I was a Christian by my actions toward them. This certainly needs to change.
So as I was sitting in chapel yesterday, it hit me! Could this be "where God wants me"? Could this be "my next step"? (21 Days)
A while ago, Nancy Gruendyke came and spoke to the girls of third center about being single. She talked about this time as a time of opportunity. When I first heard her say that I honestly think that I laughed out loud. For me, it was difficult to see really anything good about being single. But she was right! As I am spending time without a boyfriend or husband, I can invest in others! I can spend my time serving my close friends, my BASSYCS girls, really anyone!
Since I know that God wants me to be single right now, could this be the specific focus that God wants me to have? To spend my time, my prayer, my energy, loving others? I really think that this is what He is calling me to do.
As I begin my second half of my fast, I am praying that God would make clear to me specifically who he wants me to focus my love on, if there is someone. I am praying that He would make my heart genuine and give me a longing to glorify Him by the way that I can love others.
Don't get me wrong, I believe that in many instances it will be difficult for me to love others, but I'm ready! I'm ready to do what God is calling me to do, and I'm ready to give everything that I can to it!
Lord, may your will be done.
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