It's Always Time to Love

Today, I have been in a very weird mood.  The beginning of the day was rather low, getting up early and frantically driving to a new job.  Then it went on, very slowly, as I trained for CPR.  Then, as I sat in my car in the rain, I recognized the wonder and beauty of the Lord.  Coming home from a full day of work, I felt exhausted.  I sat on the couch and didn't even want to play tetris!  I was that tired.

Now, as I have come to notice in the years past, summer is a very exhausting time for me.  My job usually requires me to "go, go, go!" and be up and alert in every situation.  Then, once I return home, I either hurry to another job or hurry to go and hang out with friends.  Either way, I exhaust myself.  As soon as I become exhausted, I seem to back away from God.  I'm too tired to invest my heart and mind in His word.  I'm too exhausted to pray and think about the troubles that I don't want to think about.  This usually begins on the first day of camp, and the whole summer goes down from there.

Today, on the first day of training, I already became exhausted when I got home.  I just wanted to eat.  I just wanted to watch television.  I just wanted to sleep.  Yes, I considered getting in the Word.  In fact, I kind of wanted to, but I just was too tired.

Only through Christ did I choose to read my Bible tonight, and the story I read gave me a very interesting and odd realization.

The passage that I read was Matthew 14:1-21.  The first section talks about the death of John the Baptist, and the second section talks about Jesus feeding the five thousand.  Now, both of these stories are pretty familiar to me, and I really did not expect to glean anything different than I already knew--but of course, God had something different in mind.

What came to my attention was this verse:

"Now when Jesus heard [that John the Baptist had died], he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself.  But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.  When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and had compassion on them and healed their sick." -Matthew 14:13-14

Jesus went to be by himself in a desolate place, because he was mourning the loss of one of his best friends.  He was sad, and wanted to be alone.  Yet, the crowds came and followed him.  Okay, lets put ourselves in that position.  Your best friend dies, and a bunch of people come up to you and want you to give them advice or help them.  What would you do?  I can tell you what I'd do!  I would get very annoyed and angry, ignore them, and go anywhere that I could to get away from them.  But lets pull out the WWJD!  What would Jesus do?  He had compassion on them and healed them.

This summer, I am going to be tired.  I am going to have things that are distracting me from camp.  I am going to have issues.  But, I have a job to do.  Not only a job at camp, but a job for the Lord.  My job is to put Christ before my feelings, my issues, and my wants.  My job is to have compassion on the kids at camp and those around me that need the love of God.  My job is to stay fervently in the Word, even when I feel so tired.  My job is to be a strong spirit in Christ, even if my body is weak.

Give me strength to do Your will and stick it out this summer.

Penetrate My Inmost Being

Today a friend shared some wisdom with me.  We were talking about heaven and how we would respond if God asked: "Why should I let you into heaven?"  He talked about how his prof had recently shared that most people (Christians and non-Christians) would respond by saying: "I've....been a good person" or "I've.....dedicated my life to You" or "I....read my Bible a lot"

What would you say?

To be honest, before I heard the end of this story, I realized that I would probably say, "I did my best to follow You" -or something along those lines.  But the prof had said that we have it all wrong- its not about us.  Its not about you.  Its not about me.

I don't deserve heaven.  Jesus is the reason I am invited there.

I feel like I have heard things like this before.  (This is one of those times where the cliché statement seems to finally sink in...)  I know that  Jesus is why I can enter heaven.  I know that Jesus is why I can come to God at all.  Yet, does my life reflect this humility?

As I sat there, I wondered if I could ever naturally respond to God with that level of humility, or with that level of recognition for Christ.  If that was my natural response, what would my life look like?

This confirmed the huge level of my pride and self-focus.  If I would answer without a second thought that it was because of Jesus that I could stand before the throne of God, my life would be so very different.  I would see little need to be focused on things such as Facebook or Twitter.  I would see little need to go first in line or buy the cutest shoes.  I would see little reason to stress out about school or work.  My focus would be Christ.  My goal would be to love like He did (John 13:34-35).  My life would be completely a reflection of His sacrifice for me.

Penetrate my inmost being God.  Humble me to recognize and understand what You did for me.

The Lost Sheep

As I began to prepare for this summer, I wanted to find some scripture that was directly related to the type of ministry that I am planning to do this summer.  I wanted to find scripture about reaching out to those that have not found Christ.  I asked my DA to help me find some verses that correlated with this purpose, and that led me to Luke 15:1-7.

¹Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear him. ²And the Pharisees and the scribes grumbled, saying, "This man receives sinners and eats with them."

 ³So he told them this parable: ⁴"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?⁵And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. ⁶And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.' ⁷Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

Wow, now that is some dedication!  The shepherd left his sheep in open country and sought after one lost sheep?  Jesus sought after one lost me.  I didn't deserve it.   Heck, I wandered off!  That didn't matter though.  Christ came and found me.

This summer I need to learn from this example of Christ.  No, I would not consider myself "The Great Shepherd," but I do have a responsibility to let God use me to find these lost sheep.  Even if God will only use me to find one sheep, I am up for the challenge.

God, show me your lost sheep.  Use me to bring them back.

Define me, Lord

You know...I think I'm in charge of my life.  I think that I can do what I want and I can fix my own problems.  I think that I can become my own person and treat people how I want.  I think that I can read my Bible when I want and I can think about whatever I want to.  And to some extent I can...

I can choose what I want to do, who I want to follow, what I want to think, etc.  But who do I reflect in all of this?  Me.


I treat God like He's an option alongside a bunch of other options.  If I feel like loving others, than I will.  If I feel like reading my Bible, I will.  If I want to devote my time to God, I will.  You know what happens?  A lot of times, I do not feel like doing these things.

Change me, God.  May I find my identity in You and be a living sacrifice for you.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." Romans 12:1

He Takes Me Back

"Yet even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning" -Joel 2:12

This is the first verse that I read for today's Bible reading and it touched my heart.  I stumble and fall every single day.  Many days I deal with thoughts of loneliness and a bad attitude toward people.  Many times I try to find my satisfaction in places other than God.  Many times I choose to do something that I know God would not have me do.  Many times I sin intentionally.  Why should God love me?  He at least loves me less right?

No.

Not only does God allow me to come back into his presence, but he is calling me to return to him?  He wants me back?  This just leaves me speechless.

One of my main intentions on beginning this time of fasting was to "return to God" in the way that this verse calls me to.  But, as I've taken part in this fast, I've still found myself stumbling around.  I still have trouble with giving into temptations and doing things that God would not want me to do.  Here, at the end of this fast, I'm brought to this verse and God calls me to return to Him with fasting, weeping, and mourning.  God still wants me.  Even if my fast wasn't completely perfect, even if my walk still struggles sometimes, even if I have lonely days, He wants me.

Now that, is a great God.



Praise His Holy Name.

To Love Others

As I've approached the middle of my fast, I've realized something.  I found it odd that we talked about love in chapel again.  Last Wednesday I learned about being a witness to others by loving them.  Then, on Saturday I learned about loving non-Christians as humans made in God's image.  Then, in chapel yesterday we read through a little bit of the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:38-48).  This not only talked about how we are called to "turn the other cheek," but also the section about loving our enemies.  love love love.

Throughout my life, I have had difficulty with love.  Yes, I love my family.  But sometimes I even struggle to love my close friends.  This is because of a huge pride problem that I have.  I seek to be superior to others many times, and I hate to feel in any way inferior to others.  This is so wrong.  Its a subconscious thing that I really need to work on.  What could be a better way to work on this than by focusing on loving others rather than myself??  I mean at the rate I'm going with all of this pride nonsense, I'm not sure if people would even know I was a Christian by my actions toward them.  This certainly needs to change.

So as I was sitting in chapel yesterday, it hit me!   Could this be "where God wants me"?  Could this be "my next step"?  (21 Days)

A while ago, Nancy Gruendyke came and spoke to the girls of third center about being single.  She talked about this time as a time of opportunity.  When I first heard her say that I honestly think that I laughed out loud.  For me, it was difficult to see really anything good about being single.  But she was right!  As I am spending time without a boyfriend or husband, I can invest in others!  I can spend my time serving my close friends, my BASSYCS girls, really anyone!

Since I know that God wants me to be single right now, could this be the specific focus that God wants me to have?  To spend my time, my prayer, my energy, loving others?  I really think that this is what He is calling me to do.

As I begin my second half of my fast, I am praying that God would make clear to me specifically who he wants me to focus my love on, if there is someone.  I am praying that He would make my heart genuine and give me a longing to glorify Him by the way that I can love others.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that in many instances it will be difficult for me to love others, but I'm ready! I'm ready to do what God is calling me to do, and I'm ready to give everything that I can to it!

Lord, may your will be done.

Embarrassing or Encouraging?

So, earlier I was talking to a friend about a struggle I have.  (I have struggles?  What else is new?)  I struggle with paying attention...to anything.  I've realized that in general it is a real chore to pay attention in any lecture.  I have to constantly tell myself to pay attention during class or else I am doomed.  I feel like many times I do not even pick up 50% of what the speaker is saying.  This definitely makes it difficult for me to follow chapel speakers or preachers in church.  I tend to drift off on one specific point or something random and completely miss half of the sermon, and then I am so lost that I can't even catch up.

As I have spoken of before, I am a BASSYCS leader at a church nearby.  Every week there is a little 15 minute sermon for the 3rd graders.  It sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I feel like I learned the same amount or more in those 15 minutes that I did in the 45 minute lecture.

We read John 13:34-35, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."  Read that and really think about that.  It says that by this (loving one another) all people will know that you are my disciples.  Whoa!  Really?  I mean, how many times do we try to "be a witness to others through our actions" or we want people to "know we're Christians just by looking at us."  It's so straight forward in this verse!  All people will know we are Christ's disciples by the way that we love one another.  Okay, so many of you probably had realized that before, but for me I always felt there was some complex answer to showing Christ through my actions.  Christ calls us to simply love one another.

Okay, maybe not simply... so yes, loving people is hard, but if God can love us, than we certainly can love others.  Even if that just means letting down my pride for one moment to invest my time in having a good conversation with someone I don't usually talk to, I can be a vessel for Christ.  Things as small and easy as that can go a long way to encourage others and help me draw closer to God.  Wow.  Such a simple concept can really go a long way.

So, as embarrassing as it may be that I can learn more from a 15 minute message intended for 3rd graders than I could learn from a 45 minute sermon intended for college kids, it's encouraging to see God work through the small things.  If sometimes I cannot grasp some of the more complex concepts shared in chapel or church, God can still teach me.  It's cool that you can look just at some of the simple things of life and see God.  :)


For the record, I am still working to pay attention in lectures.

It's not easy, but it IS worth it.

As I reflected on my decision for Christ last night, I wanted to take it back.  Not completely, but just enough to get what I wanted back.  Thankfully, God stepped in and continued to direct my path.

This is a decision that we, as Christians, constantly battle.  Do I choose to do what I want or do I choose to do what He wants.  Now, of course we know what we should do...but what do we actually decide to do?

Normally, I choose what is comfortable--what I want.  Just a second ago I watched a video from youtube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpVsF4W8V2Y&feature=related).  This video honestly gets me every time.  It is so awesome to see how the Holy Spirit overtakes people; they just can't hold it in.  Now, being overtaken by the Holy Spirit doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to burst out in song on a street corner in downtown New York, but it does mean that I am going to be okay with something uncomfortable.  The impact that the living God has in my life needs to mean more to me than any discomfort that I will experience because of it.

As I engage in a daily battle against my selfish desires, I remember Christ.  I recognize the peace beyond understanding, joy beyond measure, love without end, and the safest security that God gives me.  And I certainly recognize that these things are much more meaningful and beneficial than anything that my selfish desires can give me.