Living by the Gospel

A couple weeks ago during spiritual renewal week, the speaker reminded me of the importance of living by the gospel.  No, not in the sense of “oh, let’s all just love each other!” or “I’m seriously going to just read my Bible every day!”  Yes, those things are important and good, but I was convicted to truly live by the gospel.  I wanted to live in the truth that I am a sinner, God sent his son Jesus to die for me, he conquered death and rose from the dead, if I repent he will forgive me.

Now, some would view this message as only what brings one to a saving knowledge.  They must believe those things in order to become a Christian, and they can leave it at that—but that is the core of who we are as Christians, we can’t just let it go after that.  I want to daily be aware that I am sinner and that I need Christ.

All of this to say, I decided that the next book I should read for devotions would be the gospel of Mark.  Reading through the story of Jesus will be a great reminder of who I am, a sinful being, and an even greater reminder of who Christ is-- my Savior, my God, my everything.

The beginning of Mark talks about John the Baptist and his ministry for Christ.  Something that stuck out to me was the recurring theme of confessing sins and repenting of sins.  How many times had I read over those verses or similar verses and just ignored the often recurring “confess your sins” message?  But guess what?  Confessing your sins is one of the biggest core principles of the gospel.

This paralleled perfectly with what God taught me yesterday.  He taught me that I am a prideful girl, seeking to constantly better my image, and that I need his help to be free from this sin.  Today, through this passage, he reminded me that I need to confess my sins!  This in itself is a step of humility, and it is what God calls us to do daily.  So why don’t I do it?  I find that I’m so focused on myself and what I’m doing, that I don’t take the time to recognize my sin, confess it, and change from it.  Not only is this a huge reminder of my pride issue, but it is a reminder of how much it is getting in the way of my walk with God.  My pride has become such a problem, that I don’t find the need to confess my sins and ask for his help to change.  If this is my mindset, I will never get anywhere!

So, my mindset has changed.  I am now praying for not only an awareness of my sins, but a conviction for them.  I am praying that I will not be blinded by my pride; rather, my eyes will be opened in humility.

My first step in daily living by the gospel is confessing my sins.  My first step is a daily prayer for conviction and the help to get rid of my pride.

God, change my heart.

Rid me of my pride.

Fill me with the gospel.

Laying Down My Pride

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. " Philippians 2:1-7

He made himself nothing.  The God of the universe came to earth and made himself nothing- taking the very nature of a servant.

As I said in my last post, I have been twice as involved at Taylor this year in comparison to last year.  Taking on more responsibility, has been something I've really wanted to do this year.  I love being able to get involved and enjoy experiences and time with people.  But I must admit, I have also loved the image of being thoroughly involved.  For some reason, I feel like I need to impress others by all of the things I am involved in.  For some reason, I feel like taking on more responsibility makes me somehow "above" other people.

This is only one of the ways that I find myself thinking that I am "above" others.  I've save you the details of my pride issues, as they will honestly be very embarrassing to me.

Over this wing retreat, God opened my eyes once again to this huge problem of pride that I have.  He showed me that my assumptions about people are completely wrong.  He showed me that my attitude in my leadership positions is completely wrong.  My opportunities to serve aren't being used to serve others, rather, I'm using those things to serve myself.  How disgusting is that.

Through Christ, I am laying down my pride.
I am taking up humility and a servant's heart,
and I am following the example of Jesus Christ.

Open my eyes.
Convict me.
Change me.
Use me.

God is good.

Here am I, all of me

Wow, it's been a while since I blogged...I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah.  You get the picture...everyone gets busy.

Speaking of busy, I've been really busy.  And you know what that means? stress. I must say, I am one known not to handle stress very well.  The things I'm stressed about constantly weigh on me, and even cause my muscles to tense up.  These are only a few reasons why stress is as huge problem.

This year is a much different year than last.  Many things have changed, and that makes it very easy for me to be stressed.  I let academics stress me out, time stress me out, people stress me out, commitments stress me out--honestly, you name it and it stresses me out.  These things are many times overbearing, overwhelming, challenging, and inconsistent.  Stress causes me to be easily frustrated and focused on myself.  It's just bad.

Today, God has been teaching me.  He has been showing me that He is my consistency and peace.  He is always forgiving, always loving, always teaching, always comforting, always uplifting.  always.  No matter what I do, no matter what changes, He is always there. 

With this knowledge as my foundation, nothing can get to me.  God will strengthen me and uphold me. He gives me a constant joy and peace, in His word and in getting to know Him more.  Seriously, He is so good.  And although I know I'll never be perfect, and I know that I will mess up along my walk with Him--He's there.

So freely, I give myself to Him- my attitude, my stress, my confusion, my worries, my frustrations.  He can take them all.  I am here to serve, love, and grow closer to Him.  I can make that my focus no matter what is going on around me.

Here am I, all of me.

Take my life, its all for Thee.

You Overcame

I must start out by apologizing for the lack of posts recently.  Working at a day camp leaves me with very little time to indulge in Facebook, blogging, or other online activities.

The past week or so, I have been dealing with some sin issues.  Mainly, I am referring to my attitude toward my parents.  Arguments arise easily over small things, and with (what I feel as) my parents refusing to see my side of things- I find it easy to get angry.  Because they do not see my point or I feel that they are in the wrong, I justify my actions and my words.  After many days of these reoccurring situations, I find myself quite frustrated and at breaking point.

Today in church, we sang the song "Overcome" and I was deeply affected by the lyrics we sang.  I already have a huge love for the song because of how it talks about how Jesus overcame death, sin, and Satan.    The first part that reminded me of the tension between my parents and I was the section where it says "All authority is Yours."  How true is that?  God has the authority over all things- after all, He did create all things.  That means that God has authority in the constant situations that I deal with in regards to my parents-- what He says goes.  And you know what He says?

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  (James 1:19-20)

God does not desire the way that I have been handling the arguments that I have with my parents.  Whether or not they are right or wrong, whether or not they handle things the right way, whether or not I want to have the discussion--God desires me to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

As I said earlier, the song talks about how Jesus overcame death, sin, and Satan.  The bridge says "We will overcome, by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony."  As I change my attitude and the way that I go about these situations with my parents, it is not going to be easy.  Pride will get in the way, anger will get in the way, Satan will do everything he can to keep me from producing the righteousness that God desires, but I am reminded that Jesus overcame.  He overcame death.  He overcame sin.  He overcame Satan.  If Jesus overcame those things, than I can certainly overcome these things with His help.  As I approach these situations in the future I will remember Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," and I will remember Christ, my holy and blameless example, whom I want to be like in overcoming sin through His power.

Praise God that Jesus overcame!
Give me strength to overcome through You, Jesus.

Reminded of a Blessing

Today Mark began his sermon (Taste and See: The Lord is Good!) on Psalm 34 by asking a question: Have you ever had a "close call"?  The kind of experience where if one small detail would have been different, someone would have been seriously hurt or even killed?

My mind instantly flashed back to last summer.  It was the last week of camp and I had caught a fever.  All night I had been lying on the couch crying because of my discomfort and exhaustion.  I went up to bed around 9:30.  A few hours later my dad came into my room and woke me up.  He said that Reagan, my best friend in the world, had been in a car crash and was headed to the hospital with her sister.  All I knew at the time was that Reagan seemed to be alright, but they weren't sure about her sister.

Immediately I broke down.  I began crying and praying out to God for their safety.  A million things flashed through my mind during that time, but mainly the fact that they needed to be okay.

Reagan and her sister had been taking the highway on their way home when an ambulance began to merge into their lane.  The ambulance did not use its turning signal and therefore took Reagan off guard.  In an attempt to not get hit, her car ended up flipping one and a half times, landing upside down on the median.

Later Reagan informed me that she had only received some soreness in her back and Paige made it out with a cut above her eye and a broken nose.

Now that was a close call.

Remembering that night brought back the tears and emotions that I had felt that night, and more.  Since the accident, I had attempted to help Reagan heal from it and listened as she talked about it, but I had not thought through it myself.

Reagan has been my best friend for a few years now.  We have laughed together, cried together, learned together, grown together, struggled together, listened to Regina Spektor together, driven together, bowled together, sang together, worshiped together, read together, watched movies together, and so on.  On the outside, some may see our friendship as sarcastic, funny, random, or crazy, but what they may not see is that there is so much more.  Reagan and I have grown so much in our faith because of the encouragement we have received from one another.  We feel comfortable sharing everything with each other, and know that the other will listen, understand, advise, and pray.  Reagan has been there for me through more of the pain, struggles, joy, and over comings in my life than anyone else has.   She has loved me no matter what, encouraged me at the perfect times, listened to me when I needed, prayed with me, and more.  Her house has become my house and her family has become my family.

Rethinking the car crash showed me how absolutely thankful I am for her.  I am thankful that God blessed me with such a godly best friend who has an incredible love for others.  I am thankful that He spared her and her sister that night, because without her, I don't know how I would have made it through freshman year.  I could always talk to her when I felt alone, I could always tell her the things I didn't trust other people with, I could always count on her not to judge me but to advise me, I could count on her to sporadically encourage me, and I know she prayed for me a lot this year.

Today, I'm reminded of a blessing- one of the biggest blessings that God has given me in my life.


God, thank you for Reagan Mallory Kelley.

Have Faith and Move Forward

During freshman year, I have realized an interest that I have in either teaching inner-city or overseas.  This realization has shown me something that would be incredible but also incredibly uncomfortable.  This summer as I have been thinking about my opportunities, I recognize that there are plenty of things that I can do to learn and grow to my full potential.  Opportunities to learn from Christ and others and opportunities to grow in faith.  I have taken a step toward my interests by taking my job at camp, but there are other opportunities that I can take for others and for my future.

Even as I prepare for my first day at a new camp, I am scared.  I'm scared of what is unknown.  I'm scared of what I am unprepared for.  I'm scared for what I am not in control of.  Today I read from Matthew 14:22-33.  This is the passage where Peter joins Jesus walking on water.  Walking on water is an experience that would be an awesome and growing experience for Peter--but its scary!  Yet he takes a step of faith, out onto the water.  When he loses faith and begins to sink, Jesus reaches out and holds him up.

No matter what, life is going to bring uncomfortable situations.  Life is going to bring scary situations.  And think of all of the wonderful and growing experiences that I would miss out on, if I did not have faith. If I did not have courage.  If I did not trust God.  If I did not take the opportunity.

This summer and next year at Taylor, I am going to take opportunities.  I'm going to take opportunities that  are uncomfortable and scary--with faith, confidence, and courage.

Lord, give me the faith I need.  I will not fear, for You've got big plans for me.
Praise Him.

It's Always Time to Love

Today, I have been in a very weird mood.  The beginning of the day was rather low, getting up early and frantically driving to a new job.  Then it went on, very slowly, as I trained for CPR.  Then, as I sat in my car in the rain, I recognized the wonder and beauty of the Lord.  Coming home from a full day of work, I felt exhausted.  I sat on the couch and didn't even want to play tetris!  I was that tired.

Now, as I have come to notice in the years past, summer is a very exhausting time for me.  My job usually requires me to "go, go, go!" and be up and alert in every situation.  Then, once I return home, I either hurry to another job or hurry to go and hang out with friends.  Either way, I exhaust myself.  As soon as I become exhausted, I seem to back away from God.  I'm too tired to invest my heart and mind in His word.  I'm too exhausted to pray and think about the troubles that I don't want to think about.  This usually begins on the first day of camp, and the whole summer goes down from there.

Today, on the first day of training, I already became exhausted when I got home.  I just wanted to eat.  I just wanted to watch television.  I just wanted to sleep.  Yes, I considered getting in the Word.  In fact, I kind of wanted to, but I just was too tired.

Only through Christ did I choose to read my Bible tonight, and the story I read gave me a very interesting and odd realization.

The passage that I read was Matthew 14:1-21.  The first section talks about the death of John the Baptist, and the second section talks about Jesus feeding the five thousand.  Now, both of these stories are pretty familiar to me, and I really did not expect to glean anything different than I already knew--but of course, God had something different in mind.

What came to my attention was this verse:

"Now when Jesus heard [that John the Baptist had died], he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself.  But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.  When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and had compassion on them and healed their sick." -Matthew 14:13-14

Jesus went to be by himself in a desolate place, because he was mourning the loss of one of his best friends.  He was sad, and wanted to be alone.  Yet, the crowds came and followed him.  Okay, lets put ourselves in that position.  Your best friend dies, and a bunch of people come up to you and want you to give them advice or help them.  What would you do?  I can tell you what I'd do!  I would get very annoyed and angry, ignore them, and go anywhere that I could to get away from them.  But lets pull out the WWJD!  What would Jesus do?  He had compassion on them and healed them.

This summer, I am going to be tired.  I am going to have things that are distracting me from camp.  I am going to have issues.  But, I have a job to do.  Not only a job at camp, but a job for the Lord.  My job is to put Christ before my feelings, my issues, and my wants.  My job is to have compassion on the kids at camp and those around me that need the love of God.  My job is to stay fervently in the Word, even when I feel so tired.  My job is to be a strong spirit in Christ, even if my body is weak.

Give me strength to do Your will and stick it out this summer.